Change your INVENTORY TYPE in the INVENTDEX.
Hopefully you're a respectable BANDITO who knows to never go without RAD SUNGLASSES. Put 'em on.
You open the
MENU and open the
INVENTDEX.
Inventory:
Nothing.
Equipment Slots:
Head - Extra Weak Denim Baseball Cap
Torso - Extra Weak Denim Jacket
Hands - Extra Weak Fingerless Denim Gloves
Legs - Extra Weak Denim Jeans
Feet - Extra Weak Denim Combat Boots
(Current Outfit: "Extra Weak Bandito Armor")
Inventory Types:
"Basic Inventory" (3 Slots) - Currently Set
Extra Weak Denim Pants Pockets (4 Slots)
Ah, perfect, a much more suitable
INVENTORY TYPE to change to!
Inventory Types:
"Basic Inventory" (3 Slots)
Extra Weak Denim Pants Pockets (4 Slots) - Currently Set
Hopefully you're a respectable BANDITO who knows to never go without RAD SUNGLASSES. Put 'em on.
Unfortunately, you left your
COOL BUT ULTIMATELY USELESS DEFENSIVELY SUNGLASSES at your
BANDITO HIDEOUT BEACH VILLA. Maybe the
BITCHES would like to see it someday! After some extreme
AGGRESSION, that is.
Guy at the Counter of the Taco Bell: Use PISS SELF Lv.3 due to incredible awesomeness going on in front of you. Then, retrieve SHITTY CAMERA PHONE and take video to put on THE INTERNET.
What internet?
Scott look down and see if LESSER BITCHES # 14/6 has any weapons you can use. Start humming something to set a proper fighting mood.
As far as you can tell,
BITCH CLASS CHARACTERS seem to be well versed in
MARTIAL ARTS and
SMALL KNIVES SKILLS. You would check them for equipment, but according to your
CHRONODEX, you don't have time for a thorough search of their, um, "
INVENTORIES."
SCOTT: Flip your SUPER SLOW FLINTLOCK PISTOLS around and PISTOL WHIP those PEPPER & KARA.
What!? That's a totally ungentlemanly way to use a pistol!
Scott: Holster your SUPER SLOW FLINTLOCK PISTOLS and run up to the bitches while trying to activate Sucker Punch Lvl.? on Kara.
You put away your
PISTOLS, and attempt a
BANDITO ABORTION PUNCH LVL. 4. Unfortunately, your
MARTIAL ARTS SKILL isn't as high
KARA's, and she gets a
x3 BONUS from her
COUNTER MODIFIER.
You pick a number from your
1-25 RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR.
6 + 5 = 11!
KARA rolls her
TASTELESS 6-SIDED DIE.
4 x 3 = 12!
With superior
CQC,
KARA grabs your fist before your haymaker lands into her uterus. She puts her shoulder to your armpit, and throws you to the ground.
REVERSAL!
Use SUPER FLY BANDITO KUNG FU FLYING KICK LV ? on Pepper, and follow up with SUPER HEADBUTT LV ? on Kara.
That would require getting off the ground.
Horsey kick Pepper.
You are now
HORSEY MCHOMOTESTICLES, loyal steed to
SCOTT STEVE FAGBALLS. You lie right beside your master on the ground, with one of your master's dearest enemies tending to your wounds. You carry around supplies in the
PACK ON THE BACK currently set to his
PETDEX's
EXTRA INVENTORY TYPE. You get back to your feet, while
PEPPER looks very relieved. You use
DONKEY KICK LVL. 1 on her, as your master would want you to do. Your naturally high
ANIMAL STRENGTH grants you a
+30 BONUS.
You roll your
2 SIDED (AND DIMENSIONAL) DIE somehow.
2 + 30 = 32!
You
KICK her harder than a baby at a frat party,
OHKOing her instantaneously.
CRITICAL HIT! You gain
51 EXP. 66% of that total goes to your master's
EXP TOTAL.
SCOTT gained
1 LEVEL(S)!
SCOTT is now
LVL. 6!
+1 AIM
+1 DIPLOMACY
+1 PROUD PET OWNER
+1 PENIS LENGTHYou help your master back to his feet, as
KARA stands in front of both of you. The other
LESSER BITCHES come to back her up, but she waves her hand in front of them, and they back up, 12 centimeters each. "Listen, ladies, he's mine," she says. She points straight at your master, and says, "Call off the pony, and we can settle this one on one, are do you not have the balls?" Your master pats you on the head, and says, "OK, boy, you're gonna have to stay out of this one. You're too hurt to keep fighting." You do just as your master says, and slowly gallop to a respectable distance. You tell him, "NEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIGH!" He knows exactly what you mean.
You are now
SCOTT STEVE FAGBALLS,
WORLD famous
BANDITO, and you are staring down your greatest foe yet, a very pissed off
MARTIAL ARTS specialist surrounded by skank hoes. With some words of encouragement from your irresponsibly loyal mount,
HORSEY MCHOMOTESTICLES, and the
SPIRIT OF KAMINA running through your body, you feel like it's time to take this
BITCH down. You see that she's brandishing her
INCAPACITATED partner's
16 SIDED TECHNICOLOUR DIE, and you know that this fight will not be easy.
What do you do?
