I am. I am going to throw down so hard.
If anyone is interested, THE REPUBLICAN DEBATE FROM LAST NIGHT, ORGANIZED FOR YOUR VIEWING CONVENIENCE, A TRAIN WRECK IN NINE PARTS!Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9
OUR CONTENDERS TONIGHT:
Newt "KING LEOPOLD" Gingrich
Ron "THE SOUND AND FURY" Paul
Herman "THE TRAIN" Cain
Mitt "MORMENTUM" Romney
Rick "DEATH TO AMERICA[NS]" Perry
Michelle "CRAZY EYES" Bachmann
Rick "SPREADING" Santorum
The always appropriate debate drinking game! (you will die if you follow this, do not do it!!!):
Take a drink whenever Bachmann says, "little girls."
Take a drink if Bachmann says she will drive gas prices down below two dollars.
Take a drink if Cain has to very obviously guess which side of an issue Republicans support. Finish your drink if he guesses incorrectly.
Take a drink whenever Cain answers a question in the form of a numbered list ("Firstly... Secondly...").
Take a drink whenever Gingrich mentions having to win additional House and Senate seats.
Take a drink whenever Gingrich attacks the media, including but not limited to debate moderators.
Take a drink whenever Huntsman makes a terrible joke.
Take a drink whenever Huntsman is booed. Finish your glass if the other candidates join in on the booing.
Take a drink whenever Johnson mentions the legalization of online poker or decriminalization of recreational marijuana use.
Take X number of sips for however many wars Paul claims we are currently in. (for reference, the traditional number for this is five but could go even higher)
Take a drink if Paul mentions attending Reagan’s wedding.
Take a drink if Perry becomes incomprehensible.
Take a drink if Perry tries to point out to other candidates the ways in which their immigration policies would fail.
Finish your drink if Roemer manages to sneak on stage.
Take a drink if Romney makes an incredibly awkward pop culture reference.
Finish your drink if Romney sets out a fine line for where the middle class or lower class ends and the upper class begins.
Take a drink if Santorum mentions having won statewide election in Pennsylvania. Take another if he mentions that he was elected more than once there. Roll your eyes if he says that he can win there again.
Take a drink if Santorum mentions growing up in a steel town.
Take a drink if a candidate laughs at or insults Ron Paul.
Take a drink if anyone (other than Cain) mentions that Cain is black.
Take a drink if anyone makes a groan-inducing pizza joke.
Take a drink if anyone refuses point-blank to answer a question (not just changing the topic but outright saying no.)
Take a drink if anyone suggests that a prominent American politician should be arrested or impeached.
Take a drink if anyone mentions attaining pie in the sky results such as energy independence or a 5%+ economic growth rate without mentioning how they would do so.
Take a drink if two (or more!) of the candidates get into a debate over who’s state had the best job creation rate.
Take a drink if anyone mispronounces the name of a social media website.
Take a drink if anyone gives a shout-out to Iowa or New Hampshire.
Take a drink if anyone makes a sports team shout-out. Finish your glass if they somehow fuck it up (say the wrong team, mispronounce players’ names, etc.)
Finish your glass if anyone storms off mid-debate.
Take a drink if anyone wants to send ground forces into Iran or (for Paul) if they state that the recently uncovered Iranian terrorist plot was a fake.
Take a drink if anyone states that Israel is our most important or closest ally.
Take a drink whenever one of the following words is mentioned (some likely will, others likely won't):
Anwar (al-)Awlaki "Build a wall" "I want to talk about the real issues”
Eric Holder CAIR Illegals
Gloria Allread Chile/Chilean "Killing jobs"/"job killing"
Jimmy Carter "Day One" "My book"
Martin Luther "Death panels" "My website"
Martin Luther King EPA Nazi
Milton Friedman Extremist Pearl Harbor
Paul Ryan "Father/mother of X children/kids" Politico
Ronald Reagan Gardasil "Real Americans"
16th Amendment "Get Government Off My Back" SEIU
Anonymous Gotcha Sharia
"Birth certificate" Hamas Treason