I don't.
Being the hardcore and apathetic bro that you are, you have successfully abandoned your wingman and take your lovely lady friend to Canada. Because all romantic whiskings lead to Canada and you jump her bones. After 23.11 seconds of frisky touching, you nuzzle her neck and skin tears away. You see what appears to be a beard. You disregard this all for a moment and proceed to rub each others nether regions together when all of a sudden, the friction is becoming awkward. Your woman has a neck beard. And a penis.
OH SHIT, YOU JUST HOOKED UP WITH CREMBAW IN CANADA.
Do you
get as stoned as possible and say "Fuck it, it's just Canada" or do you
BLOW HIM UP TO BITS?Or something
even more awesome?Funky town.
You call a cab and have it take you down to funky town. The cab drive shows you absolutely no R-E-S-P-E-C-T and can't understand what it means to you. He takes a detour so he can assault you at the car wash, yeaaaaaaah. But you are not down with this. Your object is to stay alive, stay alive. Whether you're a mother, or whether you're a brother you WILL stay alive. You remember that 21st night in September. You hope it was a cloud day.
Mama mia, here I go again. My my, I can see why he couldn't resist me! You jiggle the handle of cab door. First you were afraid. Now? You're petrified. You cannot get the fuck out and the cabbie has fuzzy handcuffs that match his fuzzy dice. He is a super freak, super freak. He's super freaky! Yeah!
How do you plan to escape?Do an appearance on COPS.
Your date pulls up in a rather lovely plastic vehicle. It's red and has a yellow top. You can tell he is conscience of carbon emissions because this car is powered by it's rider. And it's small, so you won't take up lanes. You're swooning over the car and then he steps out. He has a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mask on of the Leonardo variety and hands you a Donatello one. You are reminded of your friend Sparkly. She hasn't yet told you those are her favorite turtles ever, but you just get that ooey gooey
feeling all over. It makes you feel utterly girly and somewhat dirty. You take your date by the hand and he drives you off to what seems to be a masquerade party. Then your date farts in the car and the smell overwhelms you.
I gotta ditch this nerd, you think,
I sure do hope I can make this work out!But you don't want to be mean.
Do you ditch your date immediately after you arrive or do you wait and sneak off?Be the other guy.
You can't be the other guy. You aren't fully loaded. YOU MISSED OUT ON THE LAST DROP.
But you do spy a rather elaborate pocket racer bike thing painted in a very flashy Zach-Ryder-Woo-Woo-Woo-You-Know-It orange with a totally rad pair of shades and a pink bandanna that accents the mini bike well.
Do you take it?
WOO WOO WOO, YOU KNOW IT. You get on that bike and you ride! Just like those fat bottomed girls who love to ride their bicycles! You start feeling the thirst hit you for that last drop. And need more energy. As you speed a long, you see two beverage pyramids, but you can only snag one.
Do you take the lemon zest of the Solo on your left? Or the horse piss that is BAWLS?
You called the pink and white icing on a vanilla cake for Hlavco's birthday. You got it all wrong, though, because this cake does not exist and is a lie. There is only delicious chocolate on chocolate cake. I would know, I play video games and they are always 100% real. Really. Sad that the cake you wanted to get for your little Pokemon friend didn't show up in time, you decide that you are still hungry and that yellow rodent sounds delicious.
Do you opt for the dry Pichu rib rub of tradition or a fancy new wet Pichu rib rub?I, being a fish, flop around on the ground, suffocating.
You flippity floppity and get the floor wet to the point that we need a moppity. The blond girl remains and has cinders all along the bottom of her jeans and has a slight panic over the fact that you made the ground wet. She tosses you in a mop bucket and proceeds to clean, humming and singing with all of the animals that suddenly surrounded her and keep her company while she does all the bitch work. The mermaid girl feels the need to rescue you, so she tries to squeeze into the bucket as well. And using a spare mop, pushes off towards open waters. The pair of you arrive at a swampy lake that has a little row boat and she sets you inside and nestles along side you.
She doesn't have a lot to say.
What do you think is the appropriate course of action?
